“All of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with
each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters.
Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.”
1 Peter 3:8 (NIV)
Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.”
1 Peter 3:8 (NIV)
You’ll never be an effective pastor without empathy. It’s an integral part of the role.
Empathy is so important for everyone—particularly pastors—because it meets two of our deepest needs: the fundamental need to be understood and a deep need to have our feelings validated.
To become more empathetic, build it into the structure of your ministry.
How do you do that?
1. Slow down
Because our culture teaches us to move fast, we end up relationally skimming. That means you’re hitting the high points and missing all kinds of details in the lives of people you care about most—whether it’s people you shepherd or those in your own family.
James 1:19 says, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry” (NLT).
2. Ask questions
Most people hold their emotions pretty close, and they don’t automatically share how they’re doing. “I’m fine” is the standard answer, but that doesn’t really tell you how they feel.
Proverbs 20:5 says, “A person’s thoughts are like water in a deep well, but someone with insight can draw them out” (GNT).
If you ask, “How are you doing?” and the other person says, “I’m fine,” here’s how to draw out a more telling response: Ask the question twice. That’s how you develop empathy. Pause and say, “No. How are you really doing?”
Another way to be empathetic with others is learning to linger. That means being comfortable with silence. Just be in the moment, ask the question, and don’t be afraid to sit and wait for their response. Don’t immediately go into your agenda. Just listen and learn.
3. Show emotions
The Bible says in Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (NASB). Empathy is more than saying, “I’m sorry you hurt.” It’s saying, “I hurt with you.” You’re willing to cry with them, and you’re willing to rejoice with them.
There’s only one way you’re going to be that empathetic—stay filled up with God by connecting with him daily.
If your tank gets low on God, you’re not going to be empathetic at all.
First Peter 3:8 says, “All of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude” (NIV).
Learning how to empathize with others will help you become a more effective pastor for God’s kingdom.
